I protect my boundaries like my life depends on it. (Spoiler: It does.)
So when I took time off to go to Stagecoach last week (it’s basically country Coachella), I knew that I would be saying ‘no’ to some of the requests that came through at work.
What I didn’t expect was to feel guilty about it.
You see, what I love about my day job is that we jump to support each other when the workload piles up. So of course, I wanted to help. But I only have so much time in the day, and I didn’t want to end up working on my days off. And that tension got me thinking…
How are we supposed to set and communicate our limits when being a ‘team player’ is the gold standard for everything?
Well, turns out there’s some science on our side. And this is one worth saving for your next leadership meeting…
Saying ‘yes’ too often is making us worse at our jobs.
The study I found looked at the effects of “social threats” on our working memory, with “social threats" being the fear of being judged or letting someone down. (People-pleasers, please stand up.)
When we say “yes” to adding something to our plate, and we don’t actually have the capacity for it, our brain activity shifts away from critical-thinking centers and towards emotional ones. We go into survival mode. Said another way, we’re so worried about letting someone down that we become measurably worse at thinking, which means we can’t produce our best work.
So next time you feel a “no” coming on while also wrestling with guilt, questioning your value, and feeling like you’re letting someone down, come back to this:
Setting boundaries is the most productive thing you can do for yourself and the people who rely on you.
Science is cool.
The most dangerous thing you can be in your career isn’t unskilled or underpaid. It’s undefined. If you don’t set your own limits, someone else will set them for you — and they won’t be nearly as generous.
Until next time,
xx Tana
